March 11, 2016

Things Every Twenty-Something Girl Knows

So, I’ve come full circle.

And that’s not as dodgy as it sounds! I’ve basically gone from loving being in my twenties (the early years) then to hating them (the middle bit) to now loving them again as I approach the big 3-0 next year. I guess it’s kind of like a chronicle. But I have now found happiness in being a woman in her twenties. Well, okay, I wasn’t unhappy before, but I guess I’m just more content nowadays.

The journey hasn’t been short of discoveries (some good, some bad, some tragically embarrassing) but I have learned that there are some staple bits of knowledge that accompany your twenties, and I feel it’s my duty to pass this on to the next generation of twenty-somethings…

1. We need a back up plan to save us from ourselves…With all the best will in the world, and all the innocent intentions, when that guy we like suggests watching a DVD after a date, we know what that really means… Yeh, Netflix & Chill time baby. But sometimes it’s not always such a great idea… (for many reasons, most of which we’ve encountered within a nano second of hitting our twenties!) So it’s always good to make the most of that strong resolve during date preparation time – e.g: don’t shave your legs, and don’t tidy up your lady garden. That way, even in your weak moments, you won’t give in to temptation, because the embarrassment would be too great. If you’re anything like me, then you’re your own worst enemy – so make sure your strong mind steps in before your weak mind steps out.

2. Tampons can, and will, be found everywhere… I’m not being funny, but Mother Nature has the worst timing. Kinda like when your Dad opens the door on your 15 year old self snogging her boyfriend on the doorstep…the WORST timing. By now we’ve learnt to always be period prepared. This means that there is a tampon to be found in every single bag we own, just in case of emergencies. Plus we’re always likely to find them in the back of the sock drawer (what the actual Jeff?) and occasionally in our living room cabinets…I genuinely don’t even know how that one got there…

3. The Notebook should NEVER be watched after a break-up, during a break-up, when you’re friend’s going through a break-up…in fact, at any time when you, or anyone you know is having man issues. It’s not wise. And if you do risk the famous Nicholas Sparks tear jerker, take out shares in Kleenex first.

4. To-Do lists are our friend… Long live the days of spontaneity. But nowadays I embrace the planning, structure and organisation of an actual diary. In fact, I have several. No longer can I wake up on a Saturday and go wherever the wind takes me, nope, now if I wake up without a vague indication of my daily plan, then I break out in a cold sweat. Spontaneity – it was good while it lasted, but planning is now my new lover.

5. Slippers are actually ah-mazing. Like seriously, why didn’t we embrace slipper wearing before? All those nights of cold tootsies just wearing socks when we could have experienced snuggly bootie type masses of cosiness? More fool us.

6. Boys with pretty faces should come with warning signs… oh wait. They do, we just ignore the massive flashing neon signs above their heads. Face. Palm.

7. Period pants are the comfiest pants ever… We might like to give signals, and flash smiles to the hot bloke in Accounts that we’re wearing Victoria’s Secret’s finest, but in actual fact we’re wearing our period pants, and unmatching bra. AND WE’RE SO COMFY. (Don’t) come at me bro.

8. We may be adults be we totally eat pudding for mains more than once in a while… We may be responsible adults, we may even be responsible parents – feeding our child a nutritious dinner of white fish, potatoes and three veg, but when the tiny people are in bed, or when we’re on our own, we don’t care if there’s something tasty lurking in the fridge for dinner…if there’s cheesecake/pie/pudding of choice, then it’s getting demolished. And we love the naughtiness of it too.

9. Speaking of naughtiness, us twenty-something women know there’s nothing wrong with a guilty pleasure or two… We embrace our sex drive. The average woman reaches her sexual peak at 30 (so they say), so don’t worry if you start to turn into a practical nympo the later in your twenties that you are – it’s all normal my friends. Aint nobody got time for slut-shaming.

10. Our bodies will never look the same naked… Sadly, ten years ago I was a pre-mummy, 18 year old with abs of steel and long legs that I never fully appreciated. I wish I had taken the time to appreciate those legs because man alive, when the body you had disappears, and is replaced by the body you have, well, it’s a sad day. Yes, we may invest in gym membership, but without pure sweat, we aren’t ever going to have that body again naturally. Sob.

11. The day never starts or ends without scrolling through every single social media platform. It just can’t. I need to know what’s going on in the Twittersphere and Instaglobe at all times. I’m addicted. I know…. It’s also perfectly normal to stalk your ex more than once in a while (if you’re single anyway).

12. Clothes are overrated. If we’re not at work, or out in public then pjs are the outfit of choice. Usually with matching bun head, no make up, and potentially some sort of baggy jumper/hoodie. It’s actually such a well-worn outfit that when the prospect of going out mid Sunday afternoon Netflix binge is happening, the thought of getting dressed is actually the reason you decline.

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