I’m not thinking about getting married any time soon (obviously).
However something that my ex said to me has been on my mind quite a lot…we were talking about marriage partners (oo-er, maybe that’s why we broke up). We had been to a wedding where the bride and groom referred to each other as their ‘best friend’. Not unusual right? How often do we see those newsfeed posts when someone’s engaged or married, and they are so excited to be marrying their best friend? (Cute but vomit inducing for the single people of the world).
Well according to my ex, he would rather not get married at all than marry a woman who was his best friend. Weird right?
He said he had a best friend already, and didn’t need another one. He said he only wanted to marry a woman who made him want to rip her clothes of all the time…
This made me indignant at the time, and in true Lady Writes fashion I got the hump with him and made sure he knew it.
But since then it has been on my mind. Because, well quite frankly, shouldn’t you ONLY marry someone who’s your best friend? Call me simple-minded (my friends do) but what are you going to do when you’re wrinkly, old and unable to perform in the bedroom?
And what about the times when things go wrong, when work stress is mahoosive, when you’re facing the loss of a loved one, a financial crisis, a missed sale at Mulberry…whatever awful thing life throws at you. You know the times, when literally sex is the very last thing on your mind – the times it’s okay to want nothing more than to ask for your significant other to put a caring arm around you, kiss your head and hold you tight. Not try and get his freak on. Don’t you need more than physical attraction and sexual desire to build a marriage/lifetime together?
I wouldn’t be able to spend my life with someone unless they were the person I called in an emergency (I’m talking blown tyre on the M1, not a missed sale item at Selfridges). The person you settle down with should be (in my opinion) the first person you want to talk to when things go wrong – or right. That amazing bit of news? You want to pick up the phone and blabber in excitement. That disastrous meeting at the kid’s school – you want to mouth off and get them to share in your frustration.
To me, sharing a life with someone needs to be based on so, SO much more than sexual attraction. Without friendship, companionship and depth surely it’s just a shallow existence that won’t survive the smallest of flames?
Obviously great sex is imperative too. Who wants to spend their life having bad sex anyway? (Not me) I love it as much as the next girl, but sex with the person you’re settling down with should be insane, attractive, desire driven, but also the ultimate act of intimacy – the sort you would only want to share with someone you truly loved, someone who’s also your best friend…
Don’t get me wrong. I could be wrong. Totally and utterly wrong. Maybe that’s where I have been going wrong my whole life – maybe I should be focussing on finding a man who’s more interested in sex than building depth of relationship…but somehow I don’t think I am wrong.
Without sex the walls of a relationship fall, leaving a wide open gap where the intimacy just leaks out. But without depth, friendship and companionship there is no foundation for those walls of intimacy to be placed on anyway.