Saturday, 20 June 2015

Beautiful Waiting

I love the sound of rain, especially at night when it's warm enough to have the windows open. I love feeling cosy, with a cup of tea, and fluffy socks and candles. I love the smell of lilies and clean linen and I make sure my house always smells like this.

I love the cold side of the pillow in the morning, and the feel of the breeze on my face, coming through the window as I wake up. I love thunder storms. I love baths with Molton Brown bubble bath, especially 'Heavenly Gingerly'. I love clean bedsheets. I love watching my son daydream. I love scented candles.

I love shoes - the beautiful kind, and handbags - the expensive-yet-I-can't-ever-afford-to-actually-buy-them kind. I love long eyelashes. I love painted nails, especially in pale pink. I love Pandora rings, Links of London bracelets and anything sparkly and elegant looking. I love my tattoo.

I love poetry. I love words, in whatever form they take. I love to write, read, talk - any way I can get words, I will take them. There's nothing more beautiful than words. I love journalling. I love scrapbooking. I love decorating, and making things look pretty.

I love melodic music. I love lyrics that mean something and a sound that touches my soul. I love pop songs that make me want to dance and sing cheesy lyrics. I love laughter - mine, someone elses, anyones - I just love it. I love memories - remembering and making. I love photos.

I love my story. I love my son. I love my friends - new and old. I love my family. I love that I've loved, and that I've lost. I love that I'm strong. I love that people inspire me, they motivate me. I love that I've hit rock bottom twice and both times I've come back stronger. I love that I know when I'm weak, and when I'm not. I love when I can smile at things that once hurt me. I love that I can look at painful memories as lessons. I love that I see the best in people. I love that I always see the potential in those around me, even when they don't. I love that I put other people before myself, even when it sometimes backfires. I love that I can forgive and move on. I love that I'm a totally different person now compared to 2, 5, 10 years ago.

I love being sentimental. I love that things touch me and are never forgotten. I love serenity. I love sunsets, and picturesque moments. I love new places, big cities, small villages and I love to people watch.

I love diet coke. I love cake. I love the gym. I love Michael Kors watches, even though everyone has them. I love that I've got a bucket list. I love the idea of going to New York. I love Christmas. I love summer evenings in the garden with a great bottle of wine.

I love where I'm at.

It might not be perfect. It might not look how I expected it to. But I love it. I chose this life, and this life chose me.

I've spent too much of my life waiting. Waiting for the right man to share things with - to work through my bucket list with, to make memories with. Waiting for the dream job. Waiting for the day I can afford the things I want. Waiting for the days when the past doesn't hurt, and the pain from the old scars doesn't hurt anymore.

Waiting is a waste. It's propels us to look forward with heightened levels of hope, expectation and desire - levels that aren't real, and then we end up waiting again, and again.

The real beauty is now. The real beauty is found in the things we love. The things WE love - you, and I. Happiness is found in the now, when you realise it may look different, but it's yours. It's your reality.

Waiting for a partner, someone to love, a dream to come true, a season to's all overlooking the real beauty of your life. Life can be hard, painful and torturous. But there's beauty there too - beautiful flowers bloom where they're planted.

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