Tuesday, 26 May 2015

How To Please Your Partner

I feel like it would help both the men and women of this world, to have an idiots guide to how you can impress your partner/make up after an argument/win their heart forever. So, after much thinking, here it is:

Ways To Impress/Make Up With/Win The Heart Of a Lady:
1. Buy her flowers.
Girls love them. We do. Turning up with a bunch to celebrate special occasions, to apologise, heck - even just once in a while, out of the blue will impress us. Massively. Those nice smelling things are a key to our hearts, mostly because it shows you've made an effort and thought about us. If you're prone to making mistakes, then it's best to take out shares at the local florist.

2. Offer us your last rolo.
Or sweet. Or shot. Whatever it is, offer it to us. We won't accept it, but offering it shows us you can be selfless. We applaud that. Well done,

3. Pay.
Not all the time, and not for everything. But once in a while, paying for dinner or coffee, or anything, shows us that you're being thoughtful, and generous - a gentleman. No-one likes a tight fisted guy.

4. Pay her compliments.
Want to melt our hearts? There's no quicker way to make us swoon than telling us how you feel about us. Think your partner is the most beautiful woman on the planet? (you should) Then tell her, compliment her when she looks great, tell her all the wonderful things us women want to hear our man say. If in doubt, watch a Nicholas Sparks film - you're bound to find some inspiration there.

5. Always smell good.
Aftershave. Aphrodisiac. 'Nuff said.

6. Show her off.
We don't want to feel owned or controlled, but we do want to feel like we're yours. This means we want you to introduce us as your girlfriend, we want you to tell people about us, we want you to put photo's on social media of us together - lovely dovey comments all the time is a bit much, but showing the world that you're proud we are yours - that's a sure fire winner.

7. Endure.
If we have to endure football, tennis, cricket etc. then you need to endure chick-flicks. Fair is fair after all.

8. Call and text her.
We love talking to you - we are talkative creatures, us femmes. We can multi-task and text while we work, we like to speak to you through the day. Not constantly, but knowing we're on your mind is always nice. Good morning and good night texts are another key to our hearts. How romantic to know we are the first and last thing you think of. Once in a while mix it up, call us to say good morning too - it's nice to make us smile.

9. Dress well.
No-one thinks socks and sandals looks good. That trend was never 'in' so it's always been out. Likewise looking like your mother still dresses you isn't attractive. Not everyone is gifted in the fashion sense, but it's not hard to find nice fitting jeans and t-shirts. Otherwise, let us pick for you - you won't fail that way.

10. Plan.
Make plans. Make dinner arrangements, make weekend plans. Pre-arrange a day out together, we don't want to always feel like we're dragging you through the relationship. This sort of effort goes a long way. Unprompted plans also mean that you will find yourself awarded major brownie points.

11. Be a gentleman.
Hold doors open, pour us more wine when the glass is empty, carry our bags if they're heavy, pull out our chair (not while we're sitting on it) - all that nice mannered, gentlemanly behaviour will score well.

12. Apologise.
When you've made a mistake, say the magic word and all will be forgiven...eventually. Denial and justification is the sure fire way to ensure you make us see red, and mean you're likely to sleep on the sofa.

13. Puff your chest.
We don't want you to go crazy green-eyed-monster on us every time our male work colleague speaks to us on a night out. But we do like you to be a little protective of us, puff that chest if someone's making a move on your Mrs. As long as you're not an idiot with it, we will love it.

14. Take an interest.
Listen when we tell you about our latest presentation at work, or about the way our neighbours keep doing this really annoying, and noisy thing...it might very well be the most boring information on the planet, but asking us about it a few days down the line shows you've listened. We like that, we appreciate it.

15. Invest time in her.
We don't want you to sack off your friends and make us the centre of your world. Because, we won't do that for you. But we do want to be your favourite person, the one you want to spend lots of time with. Make time for us, don't neglect us. Don't prioritise your time, so your friends come first and we come second, it's a balancing act admittedly, but don't go too long without making time for us.

16. Research.
Thinking about buying/renting a house together/a car/going on holiday/buying shares or even just going to a concert. Don't leave us to do all the research, show us you care too and spend some time looking at the things we're talking about. It's a nice thing to do. You'll get big brownie points too.

17. Do manly things.
Take the bins out, put up shelves, put a picture up, kill the spiders...do the stuff we can't/hate doing. We will love you even more for it. Also, if we're more handy round the house than you, that is not attractive.

18. Shopping.
We know you hate it. We know it's inbuilt into your mere being to despise shopping, but for the love of all things shiny, please man up and don't look so bored. We want to buy things you will like seeing us in (and taking off us) so suck it up, it's only once in a while anyway. If you want to pay the bill, even better!

19. Be experimental.
In the world of Mr Grey, vanilla is deemed boring. In reality, I think it's amazing but that's not the be-all-and-end-all. Don't say no to anything, unless it genuinely terrifies you. Mix it up a bit, it's fun.

20. Don't be a total lad.
We like manly men. We want you to do manly things. But we don't want you to be living like an 18 year old again. Going out drinking is fine, lets do it together and separately with our friends - hey, who doesn't like Tequila? But lets not revisit the uni years and party constantly. It's not attractive and eventually you'll be single, 40 and faced with misery. So when you find a nice girl, tone down the 5 nights a week. A bottle of vino, with friends and a film isn't that bad, right?

Ways To Impress/Make Up With/Win The Heart Of a Man:

1. Show up naked.

2. Bring beer.
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