Sunday, 10 May 2015

An Ode To Friendship


The family that we choose for ourselves.

The one's who've seen us at our best and have celebrated with us there. And the one's who've seen us at our worst, when there's nowhere lower we can go. They hold our hands when we cry, buy us shots to numb the heartbreak, tell us if our bum really does look mahoosive in that new dress, and they stand by us, even when we moan constantly about men, work, family or money, (potentially at the same time) and they support us when we make decisions they already know will be crap, but we have yet to realise it.

Friends are our foundations, where our hearts have been exposed, broken, rebuilt and nurtured back to life. They are the ones who cry with us, who know exactly what 'that look' means, and who will always pick you up after you've fallen down, once they've stopped laughing anyway..

They're also the ones who would need a hitman hiring if you ever fall out, because they simply know too much..

I've learnt over the course of my life (all 27 years of it) that people come in and out of it. You might meet that really fashionable, admirable new work colleague, or get introduced to the girl with the fantastic sense of humour through a friend of a friend... I've learnt that we don't stop meeting new people, or making new friends. No, admittedly it happens far less as you get older, compared to when you're at school, especially as your existing friendship circle tends to decrease when you reach your twenties anyway, as you realise the value of having less friends, but making sure the ones you do have, are the ones who would take a bullet for you, and vice versa...a nerf bullet anyway.

As I was saying, you meet friends throughout your life, most are seasonal - whether we like it or not. A season may be a summer, or a period of time where you have something in common - like being single, having an addiction to black and white movies, or a bedroom full of One Direction memorabilia (yes i have a friend like this, no I don't share her passion. At all). That season may even last a few years, but eventually that friend may become less prominent. It's at this point when your true friendship circle is revealed. The inner circle, the ones who you count as your true friends. (And yes sometimes the seasonal friends become inner circle friends, which is great otherwise this would be a hideously depressing post!)

One thing that I've found has marked my true friendships - is singlehood. I truly believe that friends who go through singlehood together, stay together. As we all know, singlehood can be the hardest, most disappointing time of our lives, but it can also be filled with laughter, fun, girls nights out, and girls nights in. The roller coaster that singlehood rides on, means that the bonds of friendship are built as you grip the safety bar and hold on for dear life...sometimes not even able to look down.

Nothing will make you more protective of a friend than watching their heartbreak after their douchebag ex dumps/cheats on them. Your instincts to put a mouldy kebab through the douchebag's letter box is sometimes the most overwhelming desire to resist. How dare they make your friend hurt like this after all? Sarcasm aside, when you watch your friend crumble, and you realise it breaks your own heart too, that's when you know it's true friendship.

Experiencing singlehood trials together makes you value their strength, and want to protect their weakness. As you hold the hand of a friend who's making their way back up after a fall, you watch with awe as they start again, and wonder if you'd have the same level of integrity as they do. You join them for tequila on work nights to soften the blows, even when you know you're going to suffer the day after. You send them snapchats of outfits you just know would suit them, and you send them random pins on Pinterest of grossly embarrassing jokes, that anyone else would be offended by - but not her - she shares your humour...or at least, appreciates it.

You might speak every day. you might speak once a week, or sometimes you may find that a few weeks pass, and the pace of life means you've not had time to check-in properly. But the true friends are the ones who, even when separated by distance or time, are the ones who are always there, and pick up where you left off.

All I know is that the friends who've gone through break ups with me, who've sat on my sofa and cried with me, drowned their sorrows with me, and taken time to help rebuild me - they are the ones I couldn't be without. And I hope it's the other way round too.

Friends are the family we choose for ourselves. And some bonds are finalised through the fire of singlehood. ode to all my friends, new and old, I love you all.

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