Oh how you've surprised me.
If I said I had been completely changed, that I had found the error of my dating ways, and that the key all along was to only date a younger man...well, then I'd be lying. BUT this younger man certainly has been a pleasant surprise.
Inbetween our dates there was a large amount of flirty communication, a very constant and exciting amount. And some very nice kissing, hand holding and sofa-sitting, film-watching cuddling. It's been a long time since someone's text me to say 'good morning' and 'good night', every night, and I realise I've missed it. It's nice.
He's funny, and makes me laugh constantly. He's motivated to work hard and he's the easiest person to be around. I feel so comfortable around him - but I'm wondering if that's actually a warning bell, because I want someone who gives me butterflies. He's affectionate and open, he doesn't play games or wait hours to return my texts. He's *dare i say it* great boyfriend material.
So what's the problem?
I've found this great guy, and all last week I was full of excitement. Then the long bank holiday happened and we spent a LOT of time together. With hindsight, probably too much. It's spooked me that he's just walked into my little world and tried to fit in. Like he's trying to slot into a gap that he thinks was waiting for him.
This is the problem.
My last relationship almost ruined my life. I say that without being the slightest bit overdramatic. (Okay, maybe a bit of overdramatising there, but not much) My wonderful, "perfect" boyfriend was the only man I've ever introduced to my son. He threw me surprise birthday parties, sent flowers, loved my son as much as I could have hoped...and when he told me he wanted me forever, he booked to take me to Tiffany's and pick my engagement ring.
Then two days later he dumped me - over the phone. And I never saw him again.
He had a wife.
I've never drunk as much Gin, eaten as little, or felt heartache like it. But in the midst of the blackness, something emerged...Me. A more educated me. A more cautious me. A more wary Lady Writes emerged from those ashes.
So taking the plunge into dating was a big step. And yes, I've kissed (well thankfully, not all of them) some frogs recently, but here's Mr BoyToy and he could be offering potential. I'm not saying I've imagined our wedding, picked our house and named our kids, but he offers potential. And that's good in the sense that it reminds me there is hope, even if it's not with him.
So why don't I feel happier?
Seeing someone every night for three nights in a row, when you've only really just met them, isn't a wise idea. So, I've made plans. That don't involve him, and booked him in for the next date on Friday night and I've slowed my texting down. I'm not ready to be feeling like I want to come home to someone, or like they "will miss seeing me this week". As lovely as it is, and as much as I want it to happen, I don't want it - with anyone - this quickly. Time for a breather.
Am I ungrateful? Should I be embracing this fast moving train thats hurtling towards me with the power to decapitate me? (Sorry, the overdramatic me again).
I was hurt once. I'm healed now. But that doesn't mean I'm in a rush to make those mistakes again. So, Mr BoyToy, please stick to your good track record with me, and allow me some breathing space, and hopefully we might be able to take advantage of the huge potential you offer.